Faces and Bodies

I’ve been offering tele-health in my private practice since the turn towards Covid living mid-March. Suddenly changing the structure of how/when/where I work was like taking a hard left turn when my foot was on the gas to plow forward. Whip-lash didn’t emerge until a few weeks later. My vision blurred, my head ached, my energy plummeted. Tele-health took its toll, or was it the thrust into pandemic living, the loss of infra-structure for family life, the reverberations of anxiety and fear throughout the entire world? Hard to tell- a lot happened at once and highly-sensitive people, like myself, tend to feel it all. 

I’ve hit my Covid wall- more than once- and I haven’t even had the virus. But in a way we have all been infected- it’s everywhere. The social, emotional, physical and relational effects of Covid have penetrated every aspect of society. In my circles I hear less anxiety about getting the virus and more concern over who and what will be effected if I get the virus. Vulnerable parents, friends, family-members could be in danger. Quarantining could mean loss of work, relationships  or social and learning opportunities for kids. There is so much to think through all.the.time. 

As we near the inevitable end of summer and the start to a great unknown school year Faces and Bodies are on my mind. When we meet online we loose the embodiment of in person communication. When we meet in person we loose the fullness of verbal and non-verbal communication that un-masked faces convey. Either way we are fragmented and working harder to make up the difference. I am exploring out of the box solutions to bring faces and bodies back together to work safely and therapeutically amidst a pandemic. Trying walk and talk therapy, transparent masks, whatever I can think of to support the integrative work of therapy during a fragmented season. I know educators are doing the same. Learning is embodied for kids. How do educators safely support learning in a time such as this? 

So many questions amidst a sea of unknowns.

I heard a benediction this morning that held a strange and paradoxical hope from Pastor Jia Starr Brown at First Covenant Church Minneapolis. In a world where very little is making sense- why not pray for discomfort, anger, tears and foolishness to be the unlikely vessels of blessing that anchor us through this storm?

“May God bless you with discomfort 

Discomfort at easy answers, half truths and superficial relationships 

Discomfort so that you will live deep within your heart 

May God bless you with anger 

Anger at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people 

Anger so you will work for justice, for freedom and for peace 

May God bless you with tears 

Tears to shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, starvation and war

Tears so that you will reach out to comfort them and the turn their pain into joy

And may God bless you with foolishness

Foolishness to believe you can make a difference in this world 

Foolishness so that you will do what others claims cannot be done

May it be so.”

Crashing hard, COVID style

I don’t know about you but I’ve hit a limit I didn’t know I had this week and I’ve crashed hard, COVID style. I’ve found myself powering through all kinds of signs of stress and burnout that were screaming for my attention. Pandemic living can mess with you- mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually and relationally. 

Reminds me of one of my early wilderness adventures when I was in the honeymoon phase with my newlywed husband and rugged Alaska. We were kayaking through a series of lakes which involved long portages across mosquito infested lands. We were so unprepared- carrying two gigantic sea kayaks through shady woods, across rooty, unstable ground full of blood sucking tiny-winged creatures. I stayed optimistic and fun-loving for as long as I could. 

And then I broke- hit a limit I didn’t know I had. 

We were several lakes and portages into our adventure. My husband saw how much I was struggling to carry the load of our kayaks and fight off the mosquitos. Mosquitos in Alaska are no joke! He looked at me and said in a kind and commanding voice- “drop the kayak and run back to shore.” I hesitated for a moment, feeling worried about leaving him alone with the load and guilty about giving up.

 And then I surrendered. 

 I jumped roots, dodged mosquitos and kept my eyes out for bears in a mad dash back to shore. I took cover under our gigantic mosquito net, clutching our bear safe food bin. I ate snacks and I cried. 

I wanted things to be different then they were. 

After my husband sorted out the sea kayak in the woods situation, he met me under the mosquito net. Plan A wasn’t working. We talked through other options and landed on a- get the hell out of here as quick as possible, drive into town, eat at a restaurant and sleep in a hotel option. 

In times of stress and struggle it can be hard to remember we have choices. We can choose to plow forward, or turn back or go sideways for a while. We can choose to stop in our tracks, take cover, eat snacks and come up with a new plan. 

It’s important to lean in, listen and love yourself like you would a good friend. Especially in hard times. This is how you learn and find what you need. This is how you grow and heal. This is the way through.

Although this is a lonely time in our world, don't forget you are not alone. You can choose whose hands you hold in this difficult time and who holds yours. Choose wisely. Reach out. Reach in. Don’t go at it alone.  And its never too late to change directions if Plan A, B, and C aren’t working. A one degree shift can change everything. 

❤️

We are at Risk. We are Resilient.

In the face of strong winds, let me be a blade of grass. In the face of strong walls, let me be a gale of wind.

Quaker proverb

Stress expert, Robert Sapolsky, draws this severe scientific conclusion in his extensive research on humans under pressure:

“The biggest predictor of mortality across the board for all infectious disease is the degree of social isolation versus social affiliation...Social isolation, then, is a major health-risk factor.”

Yikes! This is not good news for us in the Covid-Era. A health pandemic in the world, a crisis in communities. Covid or not, we are all at risk. He goes on to say— “if you feel like you have no control over what is going on- this is the worst form of psychological stress.”

It is important to know that crisis presents both a danger and an opportunity. In our personal lives and at home, we have to look at how to make the dangers smaller and opportunities larger. Research shows that those who cope with stress effectively seek control in the face of present stressors and don’t get swept away with things that are out of their control.

In the face of strong winds- the corona virus is a strong wind; Let me be a blade of grass- we have to be flexible to- bend with the wind and not get swept away. This is resilience and here are some ideas for weathering this storm:

• Routines and Rhythms- Creating new routines for yourself and your family can help reduce conflict in the home and give a sense of stability in this time of uncertainty. We might not know when its safe to stand close to people again- but we can know what time we eat, sleep and phone a friend.

• Boundaries- Boundaries protect well-being and are necessary to create quality connections with ourselves and others. Boundaries with work means we honor when we are off. Boundaries with family means we take into account not only the needs of others, but our own as well- these have to co-exist and not live in opposition.

• Transition- The work/school to home transition is now happening in a split-second. The first day I walked out of my newly formed home office and into the family room I was overwhelmed by the flood of needs- dinner needed to made, kids needed attention, the dog wanted exercise, school work needed checked. Micro-breaks can help with stress management and transitions. Small rituals like 5 deep breaths before you step out of the room, roll your shoulders back, stretching, turning a sign on your door to mark the end of the work day. 

• Stress- Understand that stress lives in the body. Pay attention to stress signals: stomach aches headaches, muscle tension, irritability, jaw clenching, difficulty concentrating or remembering things are just a few signs of stress. Relaxing the body, relaxes the mind. Exercise, stretching, dancing, playing outdoors and mindfulness are just a few ways to care for the mind and body. 

• Purpose- Find purpose in your day- this is protective for mental health. Size doesn’t matter. It could be to reach out to someone, learn to make something news, create- whatever it is- do something that has value to you.

• Hope- Holding hope helps us move through worried feelings. Sapolsky advises that even in the most stressful situations, let a small part of you prepare for the worst and a large part of you hope for the best.

I hope this is a help to you. More sound-byte on these topics can be found here:

Alaska News Nightly (around minute 12:30)
March 20, 2020
KTVA Chanel 11 Nightly News  
March 21, 2020